number one #1

End of year fic meme

Stolen from rubynye and boosette

Leitmotif of the year: Culture shock, cross-cultural misunderstandings, and women being strong and vulnerable at the same time

Story of mine most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I feel sort of uncomfortable answering this question, because even when I haven't gotten a lot of comments, I've always gotten one or two really nice ones that show someone really did understand the story. That is enough to make me feel all full and satisfied inside. But, if I have to choose, I pick When the Lost Come to Visit or Shoes, Men, Coffins. Both are about daughters of Enterprise crew members grieving over the loss of their fathers, and while I'm happy with both stories, I can't blame people for not wanting to read about people who technically don't exist in canon.

Most fun story to write: The Proper Treatment of Sexorexia and also Invictus, the story I just wrote about Number One being smart and action-y and bad ass. I hope I get more bunnies for stories like that!

Story with the single sexiest moment: Probably the one in my untitled Pike/Number One PWP when Pike asks when Number One started giving him orders, and she says, "since I rode you hard on your bedroom floor."

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: I don't consider any honest depiction of human relationships wrong, so I can't answer that question.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Matched Set (The Clothes Make the Man Remix). I never thought I would read, much less write, a fic that would make me believe a canonical character was a cross-dresser, but it's part of my personal Chekov canon now.

Hardest story to write: Surak and Socrates Want You to Masturbate. This is actually my favorite story I have ever written, but figuring out how to make Spock masturbate in front of Gaila while remaining in character is the biggest writing challenge I have ever faced.

Second runner up is Not Her Body But Her Life, which I had mentally filed as "abandoned" rather than a work in progress. Writing about Spock grieving felt next to impossible, and I spent more than three months working on that story, adding to it sentence by sentence.

Easiest story to write: No One to Help Me (But Myself) is based on an attempted sexual assault that happened to me when I was traveling, so I knew exactly what I wanted to say with it. Even though I've really struggled to finish full-length stories during the school year, that one rolled right off my fingers onto the screen with almost no editing.

Best story of the year: Surak and Socrates Want You to Masturbate. It said something really important to me: that sex is fun and liberating, that people shouldn't be afraid of it, that there's no shame in asking for help with it, and that the world would be better off if we all thought of it as logical and necessary as eating and sleeping. Also, I felt like Gaila got to shine as someone who was not only happy and fun, but also deep, intelligent, and worthy of our respect.

Truest story of the year: I Have Been Her Kind. 1 in 3 American women of reproductive age have had an abortion, but that experience is so little represented in our media, our pop culture, or our fan fiction. I wrote that story for my two friends, both very intelligent and responsible young women who had abortions and could find no support. And I wrote it for myself, because even though I didn't turn out to be pregnant, I had to contemplate that decision too. Posting it is probably one of the braver things I've done, and I was gratified by the responses I received in my own journal and especially at the where_no_woman drabble fest where it was originally posted.

Biggest disappointment: I really, really hate the first full-length Pike/Number One fic I wrote. I stressed myself out about the premise and made it way to complicated, so it came out as crack even though I didn't want it to. I guess it was a good learning experience though.

Biggest surprise: Honestly, that I can write creatively and that you guys want to read it. I know I say this a lot, but I sat on the outside of fandom looking in for six years. I had never, ever written a fictional story before Nothing Left to Lose, and when I posted it to a drabble challenge, I did so with no expectation of anyone commenting on it. I am truly, continually humbled by all of you who have read my stories, commented on my stories, recced my stories, and friended me. I don't know how to adequately convey what it means.

Story-wise, the response that You're Gonna Make It After All got is baffling. After the Pike/Number One that I mentioned above, this is my least favorite story of the year. I think it's too long, the transitions are rough, and it's not emotionally resonant. I posted it on a holiday weekend, proofread it badly, and expected to find a handful of comments on it when I got home from vacation. I still think wtf? when I see the 4 pages of comments there.

Oooh! And also where_no_woman! I am still so pleased and proud to be a moderator there.

Most unintentionally telling story: A Letter Concerning Toleration and any other piece that contains Socratic dialogue, like "Surak and Socrates" and Whore. When I joined my high school debate team, I decided that I should try to speak as much like Spock as possible because I reasoned that it would make me sound all authoritative. I was right. I won. All of those Socratic dialogs are relics of my cross examination skills, and "A Letter Concerning Toleration" uses philosophy that I learned for debate and continue using to analyze moral dilemmas in my own life. I guess that's probably not as salaciously telling as you were hoping for, but I like that those experiences as a debater have stuck with me for so long.

Favorite opening line: Gaila carries survivor's guilt, memories of dead friends, and the weight of 14 years of sexual slavery. It's more pain than most people know, but the burden is lighter than anyone imagines because she survived all these years by forging her hurt into something as hard and bright and beautiful as the blade of a sword. (from The Things They Carried, my only team gen piece)

Favorite closing line: She will see them every morning on her way to school and ever afternoon on her way home, and every night that she wants to slip outside to look at them again. In space but not unreachable, battered but still true, just like her dad. (Joanna McCoy hanging shoes on a power line in memory of her father - Shoes, Men, Coffins)

Also, I have to give a shout-out to a little Gaila ficlet: "Being easy isn't easy, but it sure is fun."

Favorite line from anywhere: Always prepared, that's her motto. "Like the best goddamned Boy Scout in the galaxy," Jim had said once. She doesn't really know what a Boy Scout is, but it sounds like an accurate description of her; she's always on the lookout for more boys. (Surak and Socrates Want You to Masturbate)

Story I haven't yet written, but intend to: There's still quite a lot kicking around in my wip folder that I intend to get done, including:

*Breakfast Club AU
*Some more Pike/Number One porn Done!
*A Kirk/Chapel fic that's hovering somewhere between friendship and romance and got a lot more complicated than I thought it would
*Sulu back story about trying (unsuccessfully) to smuggle an Orion slave girl to freedom. Needs one key scene that's just not coming to me.
*Joanna running away to the Enterprise - I really like what I have so far, but I'm kind of clueless about what should happen when she actually finds her dad
*Gaila/McCoy bunny that I hope will take me back to fun!Gaila, who I sort of abandoned earlier this year

Goals for next year
*Better titles and summaries
*Better opening lines - it shouldn't have been so hard to find a good one for this meme!
*More full-length fics
*Love for the male characters - they need genfic and they have issues too!
*Sex positive fic fest here, probably soon
*Some kind of where_no_woman genfic advent calendar
Ooh, there are some questions here that I didn't see when I copied mine. I'll have to edit. And there are some fics here that I've missed. *bookmarks*

I can't blame people for not wanting to read about people who technically don't exist in canon.

I would guess it has more to do with the death than the POV. I can't speak for everyone, of course, but I tend to stay clear of fics in which particular characters die. (I can't read about McCoy dying. I don't know why. I mean, he's my favorite, but I suspect it's more than that.)
*beams at you*

My brain is a little too fried for sensible commentary, but I just wanted to say that I'm really glad you did this meme.

And hey, you described *how* your telling stories are telling. I left it to the reader to guess. ;)