spock: logic is sexy

Meme answer, writing trouble

Pike talked to me a little today, so I answered syredronning's question about what he would change in his life if he could change only one thing.

He doesn't hurt any more, which would be a relief if he could feel anything at all below his waist. With all his might, he concentrates on moving his foot. A dull ache pounds behind his eyes. Cold sweat beads on his forehead. Nothing moves, no matter how many times he tries.

"You'll only hurt yourself worse if you try to move." He sees -- no, imagines -- Phil's head leaning over him, faint and distorted. The disorientation is fading, but reality slips away too easily when he's not careful. He focuses on the hard metal table beneath him and the gray ceiling arching high overhead. When he is very still, he can feel the warp engines vibrating around him, smoother even than the ones on the Enterprise but still there. Earth, he thinks, they are going to Earth. Because he betrayed everyone he's ever known or loved to a genocidal maniac.

"'S all right," he mutters, and his slurred voice startles him; he hadn't meant to speak out loud. Not that it matters. His interrogators had left him as soon as they got what they needed, and he wonders dimly if they will come back to kill him or just leave him here to starve.

He chuckles faintly, shaking his head slightly at his own ridiculousness. It really will be all right; Number One will save the day somehow, and probably come to get him afterward. She always does. He can see her now, standing over him with a faint smile and a cocked eyebrow, laughing at him for charging off like a cowboy into a situation too big for him to handle when clearly he should have taken her with him in the first place.

Awareness flickers faintly around the edges of his brain. Something's wrong with his thinking; he just doesn't know what. Calmly, he waits for the fuzziness in his mind to recede. It takes awhile, but he's not going anywhere. One by one, he gathers threads of the truth. Number One is not his XO anymore; Spock is. Except Spock is now the captain of the Enterprise, Jim Kirk is its first officer, and he, Christopher Pike, is no longer anything.

He would like to put together more of the story, remember what had happened and why he is here, but claiming these small shreds of truth has exhausted him. His consciousness flickers, and as darkness looms, his last thought is not that billions will die because of him, but that he's sorry he'll never see her again. He wishes he had told her, just once, that he --

Blackness rushes over him then, and he doesn't fight it. He is grateful, finally, to go to sleep.

Writer's block is hitting me hard. I have three WIPs I really love, none of which are going anywhere. Would anyone like to read over a fic in which Joanna runs away to find her dad? I don't need feedback about the existing story so much as ideas of where it could go next, or maybe whether it could be edited slightly to be complete as is. I could probably manage more comment fic, but that feels like all I have done recently, and I really want to write a whole, substantive story.

I continue to be frustrated by my failure to write any full length fics about male characters. I have written ficlets that I really like about Kirk, Pike, and Sulu, and I feel like I have a particularly strong idea of who Sulu is. Sometimes I even feel as indignant for him as I do for female characters who are never portrayed outside of relationships. I can't remember the last time I saw genfic about him.

Nonetheless, I continue to live in my Gaila/Chapel/Winona/Number One comfort zone. And that's what it is, really, a comfort zone. I need something to push me out of it, like a genfic challenge. Or a community. Maybe there needs to be where_no_man for genfic about the dudes, complete with drabble fests like we have over at where_no_woman...

Anyway, in the absence of new fic, I bring you some recs from my reading tonight:

Fraternization Regulations by boosette - a series of documents and emails to confront the tricky subject of subordinates getting it on in the engine room

Orbital Resonance by rubynye - Jim's on life support in sickbay. Gaila consoles McCoy the only way she knows how, not because she's a ravenous sex fiend but because she's a really, really good friend. The sex is hot, and the characterization is beautiful.

Switch Me On, Turn Me Up by azephirin - Joanna/Kirk is a secret guilty pleasure of mine. This fic really captures what it's like to be new and inexperienced with sex but to have fun with it anyway, and I appreciated it that both characters are a conquest of sorts - Jo because she's a college-age virgin, Kirk because he's a hot admiral.
I like your Pike ficlet. :-)

And I agree, Sulu needs more love! You could always ask your flist for prompts...maybe something will stick and turn into a longer piece?
I'm glad you liked the Pike ficlet.

I don't know about the prompts. The where_no_woman prompts always turn into full-length fics, but somehow the memes I do about the guys never do. I'm not sure how to jolt myself out of the comfort zone.
Awww, thanks! Beautifully crafted.

It takes awhile, but he's not going anywhere. One by one, he gathers threads of the truth. Number One is not his XO anymore; Spock is. Except Spock is now the captain of the Enterprise, Jim Kirk is its first officer, and he, Christopher Pike, is no longer anything.

Ooooh sad and so damn true.

And I hope he sends her a message when he wakes up again!

P.S. I have the same problem as you, but with women. My fics are all men-based (to a ridiculous degree) and I so rarely manage to write anything lengish that includes a woman in a prominent role.
Oh, I like your Pike fic. The idea of Sulu gen sounds great, too. I hope you'll become unstuck on those WIPs.

Hm, a where_no_man (challenge) comm for genfic for the guys sounds good!
Sulu is awesome! He fences, I can't believe more people don't write about him :|
*hurts with Pike*

I finally got to read this. A genficathon for the guys would be awesome, and I say that as someone who rarely writes genfic. I saw a great Sulu genfic once but there should totally be more.

Also, *blushes at you* :)

Edited at 2009-11-01 06:14 pm (UTC)