number one: fights like a girl


I have not read my flist in a really, really long time! This is because I spent the last three days writing actual original fiction -- the first original fiction I have ever written in my life -- for my creative writing class's secret santa story exchange. I wrote a story about a girl who gives a blow job to a security guard in exchange for a doll for her sister, which, in retrospect, may or may not have been an appropriate gift for a student, even one who requested something "dark" and "dystopian." I'll see if I get an irate phone call from her parent.

Anyway, now I am drunk because someone gave me a bottle of wine for Christmas. But it is good to see you! My weekend plans include beta reading katmarajade's New Year Exchange Story and researching how to cook a pheasant, because I sort of bought one at Whole Foods today in spite of not having any idea how to cook it. Or what it's supposed to taste like. Or having the money for it in my bank account. I also bought a duck, and my mother bought me a goose. Tips for cooking unusual poultry are welcome!

It is a shame that y'all cannot hear the rather glorious Southern accent I have as a result of my drunkeness.

I may post my original fic, but not right now. Only after I have had time for sober contemplation.

ETA: Also, I wish to state that I really enjoy the top ten amateur porn lists at Fleshbot. Just in case anyone is looking for free porn that (mostly) does not contain large fake boobs or metallic pink lipstick.
As ever, My god, Mr. Brown.

And also, remind me to reincarnate as one of your students when the time comes. I don't think any of my teachers ever would have handed in something that's actually dark to an in-class fest.
See, here's the really fucked up thing that I couldn't explain in class: I actually thought the girl selling herself was kind of empowering. This comes from having known a few actual prostitutes, but I could kind of not explain in class how my friend N. thinks that selling his body is an awesome solution to not having money for his rent, or that my other friend N. started charging businessmen for sex when she got tired of teaching middle school in exchange for a crappy salary...
*nod* A similar impetus sparked by similar experiences is part of why I wrote my teenage-canon-Jim-is-a-rentboy-on-Triton story; I made a point of having him reject being 'saved'.

Also, I am in awe and a little fear that you turned that in to the fest. Your students are going to tell tales of your awesomeness for all time.
I think it absolutely can be empowering, but there are also very real and serious issues with consent when a person goes into prostitution out of desperation rather than choice. Secondarily to that, there are massive public health issues with prostitution as an unregulated industry that, well, worry me. (And as an illegal one: How do you file a workman's comp claim on an STI?) I dunno; it's a lot more complicated than "this is degrading/no it's empowering". Mostly I wish it was destigmatized, and that all people selling sex could do so with the respect and dignity they deserve as human beings.
I endorse Alton Brown's duck cooking methods!

As for the goose, Julia Child has a recipe in The Way To Cook that I more or less typed up after blcwriter gave me the chance to photocopy it. I haven't made it yet though. *goes to rummage*

LOL you have so much poultry! Good luck! My mom had recipes for pheasant back from my dad's pheasant hunting days, but even if I called her to ask, I doubt she would know off hand where they were. But good luck! And enjoy that wine. ;-)

*uses only remotely poultry-related icon*
You know, if you'd done a voicepost we could have heard the glorious Southern accent. I bet you have a gorgeous voice; you look like someone who would.

So, the goose. I made a post here where I solicited advice. Here's the goose recipe from Julia Child:

Steam-Roasted Goose

For 8 to 10 servings
2&1/4 to 3 hours.

A 9&1/2 to 11 pound goose
Juice of 1 lemon
each: 1 large carrot, onion, and celery stalk, roughly chopped
2-3 cups wine and/or water
1/2 cup Port wine blended with 1&1/2 Tbsp cornstarch

Equipment: a deep roasting pan with a rack and a tight fitting cover.

Preparing the goose for cooking.

SURGERY. Pull all loose fat out from the cavity at the rear of the goose.
Chop off the wings at just below the elbow. To make carving much easier,
cut out the wishbone from inside the neck. For even easier carving, you
can loosen the wings and legs as follows.

For the wings, wiggle the upper arm of a wing to locate where it is
attached inside (at the shoulder end) just below the outside edge of the
shoulder blade (this will take some poking about); cut through the ball
joint from inside the neck cavity and you will feel that the wing is free.
For the legs, from outside, at the small of the back, locate by
wigglingomancy where the second joint joins the back; thrust the point of
your knife into the joints on each side to cut the tendons and loosen the
thighs, then sew or skewer the skin slits closed.

Seasoning: Rub the goose inside and out with lemon juice and lightly salt
the inside of the cavity.

Trussing: Push a long skewer through the carcass at the shoulder end, to
secure the wings. Run another through at the hips to secure the legs. Tie
the drumstick ends in place against the tailpiece. To help in rendering
out fat, prick the skin with a sharp pointed skewer or darning needle in
numerous places (but not so deep as to reach the flesh) around the lower
breast and thighs.

Preliminary Cooking -- steaming (3/4 to 1 hour). Place the goose, breast
up, on the rack in the roasting pan. Add an inch or two of water; bring to
the boil on top of the stove, and cover the pan tightly. Reduce heat and
steam for 3/4 to 1 hour, depending on the size of the goose. Check on the
water level occasionally, adding a little more if it has boiled off.

[Goose stock]

Remove the steamed goose from the roaster and let it cool 20 minutes or
so. Pour the liquid out of the roaster (you will have several cups of pure
goose fat; save the fat for sauteing potatoes or other uses; use the
liquid in stocks or soups.) Place a double sheet of foil over the rack and
lay in the goose, breast down. Strew the chopped vegetables in the pan
around the goose and pour in a cup of wine or goose-steaming liquid --
renew during cooking as needed. Cover tightly and braise 1 to 1&1/2 hours,
depending on the size of your bird; check occasionally to see all is well,
and baste with accumulated juices.

When is it done? The steaming is done when the legs feel almost tender if
pressed. 1&1/2 to 2 hours at 325F

Browning -- about 30 minutes. Turn the goose breast up, and baste it with
the juices in the pan. If the bird is already brown, set the cover
slightly askew. If it needs browning, remove the cover. (Here ends the
parchment vouchsafed to me, but I presume one roasts it at 375 until
browned and crispyish.)

Edited at 2010-12-18 02:18 pm (UTC)
Awesome! Thank you so much for all of this advice! You are actually the first person I have met, IRL or on LJ, who has actually cooked a goose before. Were you happy with yours? Did other people like it?

I have become enamored of this recipe over on epicurious, which sounds a lot like the Julia Child one except with orange instead of lemon and madeira instead of port. I'll bet the Julia recipe would be lovely with my duck as well...

Also, I friended your personal LJ with my personal LJ so that I may enjoy more of your culinary wisdom :)

*blush* No, I haven't made the goose yet. BlcWriter has, though, and she says this works.

I have cooked duck bunches of times; one can steam it and then sear it in a very hot oven, or roast it really slowly and then sear it in a very hot oven, or cut it up and do all manner of things with it. It's a rich and tasty meat.

That recipe looks luscious! The recipe from Julia is essentially the same but for twice as long as the duck version, so I bet either will work.

And, well, hi. :)
Hi, erm, I lurk around your journal a lot and don't comment much - usually on your Number One/Pike fics.

But I can certainly advise on How To Cook Pheasantry. Pheasants taste like a cross between goose and chicken. It depends if the bird has been hung, and how long for, which develops a gamey sort of flavour.
It's a dry bird so if you are going to roast it then you probably need to put tinfoil (sorry, I'm a Brit and don't know the US equivalent) over the roasting tin. It's not one that gives out a great deal of juice either so basting doesn't really work. I generally drape it with prosciutto or bacon and then roast it. Stuffing of the apple+pork variety is also very good. It is nice with bay leaves, in fact one of the best recipes I have for Pheasant is where you have two of the Pheasant breasts, wrap them in prosciutto and tuck a bay leaf in to the little parcels and then roast for about 30 minutes at 400 F. It's also good with autumnal sorts of berries like brambles and raspberries and the like.

Anyway, hope that helps! Good luck!
That is totally helpful, especially the advice about the texture and flavor. I am thinking of maybe cutting it up and stewing it like I would a cheaper, tougher cut of beef. The apples do sound like they would be lovely with it too. Thank you very much :)