number one

DVD Commentary Meme

From taraljc

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any story I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

You could pick a whole ficlet if you wanted. I've been writing lots of those lately.
Tags:
From "Nobody To Help Me (But Myself)
Of course I pick one with Christine...

Back on the Enterprise, she examines her wounds in the bathroom mirror: a swollen lump on her forehead where her attacker had dropped her on the floor. Five bruises on his neck, one for each of her fingers. A sprained wrist Jim had wrapped for her, deep tissue bruises on her ribs and back where the Nausican had bent her over the guardrail. She's spent enough time in medicine to know that battle wounds are not as sexy as the holovids make them, but she wasn't prepared for how battered and defeated she'd look in her moment of victory.

The rumors start the very next day. When she goes back to the salon to have her hair dyed blond, Lieutenant Richardson asks if she "needs to discuss anything personal." Two people anonymously send domestic violence intervention brochures to her padd. McCoy corners her in a supply closet, wielding a hypospray menacingly.

"Who did this to you, Chris?" he asks. "Tell me. I got drugs that'll make a man impotent for twenty years."

"I can get my own revenge, Doctor," she says coolly. She's figured out by now that denials only make people even more convinced she's being abused.

He presses the hypo into her hand.

"Xylosian penis rot," he says. "Get him, Chris."

Re: From "Nobody To Help Me (But Myself)
This whole fic was inspired by a physical assault/attempted rape/attempted robbery thing that happened to me when I was traveling. I managed to escape with only superficial wounds, but I was so shocked when I looked in the mirror and saw that cuts and bruises are not as sexy as they look in the movies. I looked like I had either been having kinky sex or been the victim of domestic violence. Luckily, since I was traveling by myself, I at least didn't have to put up with lots of obnoxious rumors.

I wrote a personal essay about the whole experience. I need to remember to post it here sometime.
Re: From "Nobody To Help Me (But Myself)
I remember you saying something about that when you posted this. This is the scene I remember clearly because the aftermath is so stark, yet she is so strong. Also, revenging McCoy is highly entertaining as well.
First, I was thinking about my own plans for a tattoo, and it made me really want to write something about someone else getting one. Then I thought a lot about Number One's attitude toward her crew and what attitude they'd take toward her. I agonized a lot about the line about the guy finally being on her thigh because I realized that was something no one would ever, ever say to a captain like Number One. I also have an ongoing mental debate about whether the last line should read like this...

"You know," Chris says, running a finger over the stars, "if you had one of these for every life you saved, your whole damn body would be covered." He doesn't tell her that her that by the end of her five-year mission, her whole body might be covered with stars for the dead too.

It changes the whole tone of the story, and as much as I like angsty!Pike from TOS, I don't think that's what I was looking for here. I liked the ending because I think of Number One as smarter/better than Pike a lot of the time, but that was a chance when I could show him as a little older and wiser.
I really like all your decisions here. I like the line about the guy being on One's thigh because it's related as something she knows he was thinking in his prurient little heart, not something he'd ever say, and that kind of blunts it the way insults between friends can be fond. And, yeah, we can fill in all the coming deaths and their ghost stars for ourself; ending it on Pike reminding her of all the lives she's saved is the right note, I think.

"Hoax?" she asks George with a hand on her phaser. Whitlaw and Jones had died on a world like this, and George just barely escaped. They'd been lured with a false distress call and strung up from lamp posts just because the Federation hadn't sent the grain subsidies on time. She'd been on the team sent to retrieve the bodies. Their necks, bruised and burned by the rope, had hovered in her dreams for weeks.

"It's real," George says slowly, his eyes hovering over a dark stain on the ground. Most of it is a blur, but she sees the outline of a hand, five fingers outstretched as if scrabbling for a handhold on the dusty road.

They form an uneasy circle around it, their eyes swiveling back and forth between each other and the shadow of a human in the dirt.

"Can you smell that?" Cheung asks, and Winona breathes in deep. The odor, faint before, is suddenly inescapable, something burnt and putrid like rotten meat thrown into a fire.

Her eyes lock on George's.

"We've got to find the survivors," she says.
I started off by thinking about Somalia. I needed plot details for an aid mission gone wrong, but I suck at thinking of those things, so I had to draw from real life. The whole Somalia thing happened when I was in high school, so I remember it really well.

Then I was thinking about what they could find that was truly horrifying, and I remember going to the Atomic Bomb Museum in Hiroshima. They had several slabs of concrete with a person's shadow on them, although none were so detailed that you could make out individual, imploring fingers.

Then I considered to what extent I wanted to portray Winona and George's relationship, and I decided to treat it as if they were just crew mates, even though in my head, they were already married. I like to think they would act that professionally on away missions.